I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Randomize
