I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize