According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this just has baby written all over it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize