Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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