I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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