): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think people are normalizing furries
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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