You can't motorboat a personality
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You made out with two different species that night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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