I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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