Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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