Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize