i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
