i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize