did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
