Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
