Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
