so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
