make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize