Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
