he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
