I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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