I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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