Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
