My Higher Power is John Stamos
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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