You can't motorboat a personality
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
