Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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