It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
