"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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