epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
