Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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