if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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