I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
