bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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