Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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