Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
