So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
