Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
