At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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