who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
