After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
