just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
