This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
