I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
