In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
