i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
