the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
