Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
