The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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