I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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