i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
