You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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