I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
