So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
