I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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