We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
