He kissed a someone with a penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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