Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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