I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
