Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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