I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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