so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found puke in my bra..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
