youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
