Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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