i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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