Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
