The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
