quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
