hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize