I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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