my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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