Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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