You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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