im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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