That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
