Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
