Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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