She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
