I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
