I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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