creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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