So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
