The maid of honor just puked.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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