Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
