my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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