i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
