Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize