I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
