There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
