Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
