He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
