Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
