She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
