based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
