just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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