he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my liver is dry heaving
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
