I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
