my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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