NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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