Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
