my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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